Cabin Fever

Sigh.
I'm still in Nashville. It's Thursday of week 4 in Nash, and the 9th straight week away from home. Of the past 61 days I've been home 8. And today, it hit me. I don't know what it was that did it. I've been fine up until this point. I think I got a little antsy in Indianapolis the last week or 2 as well. But today it was extreme. I felt weak and tired last night after work, but I thought it was just the MG. Today, I had almost a panic attack that I was running out of time to do the work, and yet I still had another week to go. I began to vent my stress to my manager, hoping he'd just talk me down, but instead he told me to go home for a week. So instead of finishing one more week here, I'm going to go home, finish up another job, and then head back here in a week or two to finish the last week. I don't know if that's crazy. I feel like it's giving up a little. I feel like I should be strong enough to have been able to finish. But apparently I'm not. I panic.
I finished a photo project that I've been working on for a year. It was a self portrait project. I had to take a picture of myself, any part of me as long as I was in it, every day for a year. Foot, toe, finger, ear, hair, eyeball... anything. And the goal of the picture was to capture the feel of the day. That didn't always happen, but I tried. It was a lot of work trying to think of something creative every day, and there isn't anywhere I went without the camera. But now it's done, and I have this sense of loss I think. Like a part of me is missing. I've gotten so used to taking and posting that picture everyday, and now that it's done, something isn't right. Oh, I'm happy for the break. I absolutely needed it. It was draining. But I still miss it. I'll probably go again, sooner than later. But right now I'm in the mourning process. And maybe that's why the homesickness hit so hard all of a sudden. Don't know.
Just know that I'm tired. I'm stressed. And I'm ready to be done. Get me out of Nashville.

Running Through My Head

"Music is the electrical soil in which the spirit lives, thinks and invents." - Ludwig van Beethoven

I find that this is true in my life. Live music is the best. It gives you a high like nothing else. I try and get to as many concerts and shows as possible without over doing it. Can you overdo it? I try and share a Song of the Day every week day with a few people. It consumes me some times... picking the right song. I used to be worried they would judge me for the kind of music I like or listen to, but I think I've gotten over that. Mostly because I've realized it I like it, and that's really all that matters. I've called myself a music slut. For the most part I like everything and will give anything a try. It's such an emotional connection. And one song doesn't speak to someone the same as it does to someone else. That is the wonder of it. Soundtrack of my life.

Confusion

As always I am confused by life. Why have things gone the way they have gone?