v2.0

Round Two.  This time I actually talked to someone about how to do this.  Basically... water conditioner is pretty important.  And not overfeeding the little guy is pretty important as well. 

There were quite a few to choose from this time... and boy was it tough.  How horrible is it that I was trying to pick one that would match my decor?  :)  Totally matters.   And... a male.  Definitely a male. 

Meet Gilbert Blythe.

He survived a night... I have a feeling he's a keeper. 

Beta Betta v.1.0

I decided I needed a fish.  A starter pet, to come home to, a companion, to talk to, to protect my apartment.  You know.... because that's what we're supposed to do right?  I have been very successful at keeping plants alive.  So why not give an animal a shot right?  

I guess part of me was unsure of myself from the beginning.  I didn't have the heart to actually name it.  I decided to call it Beta Betta v.1.0.  Just because... I have the perfect fish name... and I didn't want to waste it.  My guess is my negative vibes went too far.   

v.1.0 Happy... 

One day later... v.1.0 very very dead. 

I am a horrible horrible person.  No one should ever give me a kid.  Who knows what would happen.

I'm going to give it another shot though... I swear... I can do this.  Really.  

Growing Pains

No... this isn't about the television show.  Although, back in the day I really enjoyed coming home from school knowing that it'd be on... Yeah, my tastes then were a little suspect.

This week has been a tough week for saying goodbye.  And maybe it's not even goodbye... it's just, things are going to be different from now on... let's try and get through it.

First, one of my very dear friends is moving to Minnesota.  He happened to be a coworker of mine, but we never worked together.  When he first started out we sat next to each other in the cubicles.  Our hello to each other every morning was "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey neighbor".  It was great.  We used to play pranks on each other all the time.  Just little things.  He stood all my pens and markers up on end.  He printed out Mariners posters and posted them all over my desk... just little things.  I cardboard barricaded his desk... and also post it noted his desk. Things that didn't matter, but were fun, and brought us closer together. He has the same personality as my brother... so that kind of ended up being his role.  He was my work brother... just a little bit more mature.  So in the time that I knew him he got engaged and got married.  I flew to Minnesota for the wedding.  I love his wife as well.  We've changed apartments, changed career positions, we've been through a death of a friend, they've had a baby... It's been wonderful knowing them. And they love Jesus, and aren't afraid to talk about it.  I love them and will miss them so very much.  On the upside... I do travel a lot.  And I have not yet been to Target field, and so they have already offered to let me stay with them, and go to a game.  And I will definitely take them up on that offer.

The other "goodbye" was a little bit different.  He's not going anywhere. I had to vent some things about the relationship that I was frustrated about.  That I was unclear about. But in the process, I fear I may have screwed up.  I think I may have ruined it.  Where I screwed up the most was probably not hearing his side.  Yeah, now that I think about it... it was all me talking.... with him on the defensive.  I probably could have handled it differently.  I can be such an idiot some times.

Relationships are hard.  In order to move forward, risk most definitely needs to be taken.  I am awful at that part.  I am adventurous when it comes to the world, I am so afraid when it comes to people.  This attempt at honesty was a big step for me.  I hope I didn't make a mistake.

So... I think the theme of the week was... Growing Pains hurt like hell.  But how else are we gonna grow?

What I'm listening to... Nothing new. Broken Bells still plays on my car stereo every single day.
What I'm watching... Nothing new. It's summer.  Go outside. :)

Scarversary

Yesterday was my 6 year anniversary of my thymectomy.  It's not something I'm sad about... It's something I cherish.  It has a lot of symbolism.  Mostly because what happened, and what I still go through is not about the scar.  The scar is the only visible evidence that something was/is wrong.


It's a battle wound. I won that battle... I still fight the war every single day.


Speaking of... After 6 years I decided to do some neurologist shopping.  I was getting tired of the same old thing.  I go in. Wait. See the doctor for 5 minutes. Tell her my woes.... complain that it's the same thing. Highs and Lows. Tell her what dose of meds i give myself.  Have her say... well... yes, you have a chronic disease, this is how it works. Okay... see you in 6 months. And I pay my $30 as I walk out the door.


I am going to try the osteopathic neurology route.  This week I did a "try out".  I think that just having a new perspective on the same old thing is a really good thing.  My expectations are not too high, I mean. Neuro One was right... It is a chronic disease.  It IS possible that where I'm at is as good as it gets. I went in... I sat and talked to this new doctor for an hour.  It was great.  I really like her.  She's married with kids.  Somehow she told me she goes to Mariner's and was really happy to hear that I was a Christian as well.  She has epilepsy, which actually makes me respect her even more.  She herself has a neuro disease.  She understands how sucky this is.  She even used the words "this sucks" several times.  She was just normal.  It was refreshing.


She gave me a few options... all kind of centering around trying to eliminate or shrink the stress that I feel.  Since Myasthenia Gravis really plays on stress, emotion, exhaustion we want to really try to minimize those.  And life is pretty stressful in general.  So some of it is impossible. 


So I'm starting with some baby steps.  Some honesty, and a little med. We'll give it a shot.  

Home again, home again

Jiggity Jig.

After a quick weekend in Boston, and another week in Birmingham, I am home.  Hooray!  It's not that I mind the travel.  It's the being away that's the hard part.  10 weeks and 22 flights.  I'm an expert packer.  I know my way around an airport.  I know how to deal with TSA.  I know how to navigate in other cities.  I take advantage of the surrounding area. I like to explore.  

I find that the readjusting to home life can be difficult.  Grocery shopping again.  Submerging myself in society again.  It's more complicated than it sounds.  When people just expect that you're gone, it's easy to make excuses.  

I am happy to be back.  Now is the time for action.  Let's get some stuff going.  Big projects are in the works.  Hopefully big relationships are in the works as well.  

Stay tuned for the massive happenings of my little life.

What I'm listening to: Even though it's an older album AWOLNATION has not left my car cd player for over a year.  It's one of the best driving albums I've ever found.
What I'm watching: Breaking Bad! I'm in the middle of the 2nd season.  My favorite line so far is "DBAA - Apply yourselves."  Love it.
Also - So You Think You Can Dance has begun for the summer.  This is the only competition show/reality tv that I will watch.  It's so great though.  Very emotional and such a great way to be introduced to new music.  I can't express it.  Must watch!