Yesterday I had one of the most horrible days I've had in a long time. It started the night before actually. I have been working up in downtown LA for the past week or so, and I've been taking the train up. Which I'm actually a huge fan of. The only problem is that I need to be on the train at 6:12am. That's right... early. It's still dark out when I drive over to the station. Anyway... the early mornings may wear on my sanity at times.
So, on Thursday the manager of my job was planning to come out into the field and I suggested he take the train. He agreed and we coordinated times. This in itself wasn't so bad. I should probably give some background though. I used to call this guy my friend. I wouldn't say that anymore. He's done some pretty shitty things in the past year. Things I find it hard to overlook. So to begin with I wasn't looking forward to this day. Anyway, back to the horrible day. He texted me Wednesday night to say that he was actually going to drive because he had to run an errand in LA after work, but that he could pick me up at the train station at 6:10, we could carpool downtown together, and I could train home. For some reason I agreed to this. He then texted and asked me to text him in the morning to make sure he was awake at 5:25. I replied "set an alarm". I was already not looking forward to this day, but this was the moment when I began to boil. Seriously? You're an adult. You should be able to handle waking up.
So 5:11 hits, I press snooze. 5:21 hits and I get out of bed. I had a brief thought to actually text, but decided not to on principle. I am out the door by 6:05, and at the station at 6:10 and begin to walk to where he was going to pick me up. At 6:11 I got a text that said, "Smidty, my phone has been going in and out and the alarm turned off. I'll be there in 20". Sigh. Okay. So I just wait. It's still dark out at this point. I take a seat on one of the planters and wait. I figure the next train is a half hour later, but he should be there before that. I made friends with the station agent. I made friends with some construction workers. They kept checking in on me. Still here huh? Hasn't shown up yet huh? One of them said, "I hope this isn't a date. If it is, he's failing big time." I assured them it was not. The next train came and went. I had texted to see if I should get on that, no response. 50 minutes from the initial text, and the 20 minute warning, he shows up. He apologized at this point and promised to buy me lunch, but I was pretty huffy and didn't let him off the hook right away. And by this time the 5 has become a parking lot, even in the carpool lane. Actually, it seems every north or west bound freeways in all of Southern California had become a parking lot. So, we sat in traffic. He hoed and hawed the whole ride about traffic. He tried to make small talk. I didn't oblige I gave short answers. I've already resolved from past experience that I did not need or want to be friends with him. And that I would only talk about work related issues with him. But he kept asking about my life, therefore, short answers were needed. He cussed out cars that were following to closely, or that may have cut him off.
We got to the client by 9am, and by this point I'd already been up since 5ish. The rest of the day we bickered back and forth. There was underlying hostility and we both knew it. He decided to change his plans and ran his errand at lunch time. So, instead of buying me lunch, I ate alone.
I took the train home as planned, despite his request for me to drive home with him. I stayed later than I had planned and I was exhausted. On top of all this, my client sucks. My staff didn't show up. I feel useless.
I cried on the train ride home. I didn't mean to it just happened. When I get tired I get emotional and when my eyes get tired they water. It's not a sobbing real cry with all the emotions tied to it. It's just tears streaming down my face, and it can't be stopped. I think I worried the guy sitting across from me.
I had been updating my roommate of the happenings all day. She, of all people, understands the loathing, and how awful this day was. Even though it was my night to make dinner, she offered. It was fantastic. And she got me presents. She got us December chocolate calendars. You know, those calendars you open once a day in December counting down the days to Christmas? She got me Pumpkin butter! :) She knows I love the pumpkin. AND she got us Golden Spoon for dessert and we watched Sex and the City 2. Best roomie award for sure.
sigh.
I'm beginning to realize that certain people bring out the worst in me. Yesterday's guy glaringly stands out these days. When I'm around him I become bitter and mean. And I am normally not like that at all. I wonder why that is. And it's not that I can't help it. I think I can actually. When I'm with him I WANT to be mean. I don't feel like he's done anything to deserve my favor. I know I'm supposed to love all, but he makes it difficult. I don't like who I become when I'm with him.
So if someone brings out the worst in me, there is probably someone that brings out the best in me as well. Right? I was thinking about this last night. I was thinking about marriage, and how it's usually said that the person you marry should bring out the best in you. And I'm not sure I'm totally on board with this. Can you always be your best? I mean, I think there are moments of course. But we're obviously going to fail. It's life. I think we should be looking for a person you are real with. I'm not sure that person comes around all too often. I think that person is the rarity. The one in a million. And then with the real comes the soaring to greatness, comes the highs but also the lows. This is the person to go through life with.
Perhaps I make no sense. Today was a long one. Worst... Best... Real.
