Heir to a Gypsy Soul

My grandma sent me an email this morning. 

I should have written you this note yesterday but WELCOME HOME again. It sounds like you had a great time even though you were also putting time in at work. You'll never regret all the traveling and sites that you see. You must have our wanderlust in your blood. We never tire of it either and Gramps get antsy every once in a while to get on the road even though we like our home here so much. But that's just the way he is. Hope you will have a GREAT DAY, Love you Gram and Gramps


They do travel all the time.  They've always traveled.  As long as I can rememeber.  They sold their house when I was in Junior High to become full time travelers in their 5th Wheel.  I used to be really bitter about them never being around.  They were the kind of people that never showed up to important events, but would give you money when they left, as if that made up for the absence.  I still think that a lot of the time.  They don't know me.  They never really have.  Is this who I am turning in to?  Is this who I will become?  I do have intimacy issues, I know this.  But I really think that I am intentional about getting to know people.  I hope so.  I hope the people around me do not feel abandoned.  Even if I always feel that itch to keep moving.

Deep, Inexplicable, Loyalties

I am on your side.
I am for you.
You don't even have to ask.

Does it seem like I am far away? Because that's how it seems to me.
I wonder where you have gone to... Have we slipped apart after everything that's been?
You are more important than you think, why can you not see?
I'm holding on, as long as it takes... I'm still in. 

I am on your side.
I am for you.
Please.  Let me be.

(this is really bad... super cheesy.  This sort of thing doesn't really come easy....it's a first try.  I'll work on it)

Inspiration

I have a problem. I'm not sure if it's just me, or if it happens to a lot of people. My problem is a lack of ability to convert inspiration to something tangible.

I feel like I'm creative. I appreciate art, beauty, words, music... Why can I not create this? These experiences (and I call them experiences because they're more than just things aren't they? Essentially, it really is an emotional attachment of something we've encountered... isn't it?)... these experiences make me think and have shaped who I am and whenever I see, read, hear something that inspires me I give up trying to explain my reaction before I even start. Mostly because I believe it won't be possible to compete with what just happened. It was portrayed perfectly. I probably shouldn't muck it up.

I want to create things.

I've been told I hold back too much. In everything I do. I think my real problem is that 1) I still do care what other people think, even though I shouldn't, and 2) I don't know what I think.  How can I be honest when I'm not sure what is true? 

I want to be more than this.  I am more than this.

Clear Lake Snippit

My family is amazing.

Cross Another

Today I brewed the first batch of beer.  We'll have to wait a few weeks before I know if it's any good.... but still... it's the beginning to crossing off another item from the life list. 


Update:  It turned out pretty goooood.  I'll definitely have to make another one.  Makes me excited. 

New Ventures

A few weeks ago one of the shareholders in my firm texted me randomly.  She asked if she could pay me to take some pictures of her family.  She explained that every time she went to a studio her daughter never smiled.  And the pictures that she takes always turn out blurry.  I told her I'd do it, but that she didn't need to pay me.  I am, by no means, a professional, but it could be fun to give it a try.  

This past weekend I drove down to their neighborhood, and set up shop in a park that was familiar to their 2 year old.  I was completely nervous when I got there.  For the most part I felt as if I had no control.  I didn't get to choose positioning, or when we were moving on.  I pretty much just followed them around and shot.  Which is one way to do it, I guess.

It was a hard job.  But I had fun.  And I know I have a lot of room to grow.  I am still completely ignorant on so many aspects of this hobby.  I have so much to learn.  It was a good experience. 

When I revealed the photos to Jenn the next day I was so crazy nervous then too. But she came up to my desk with tears in her eyes, thanking me for capturing every personality of her daughter. And even though I can deny that I'm any good at all, this is so nice to hear.


And the next day I had this note on my desk:

She keeps insisting that I do this as a job.  She can see the passion I have.  But I swear... I'm really not that good.  And I say this to people, and it sounds like fishing for compliments.  But it's not.  And it's not lack of confidence either.  It really isn't.  I just know that I have a long way to go, and so much to learn.  Maybe one day. 



Lesson from the Gilmores

This should really be a regular occurring segment.  There is so much knowledge to obtain from this family.  But the quote of the day is this:
"Life is a battle... and you either enter it armed, or you surrender immediately."

Reflecting back at his mother's funeral, he remembers something his mother told him when he was 10 years old.  "Life is a battle... and you either enter it armed, or you surrender immediately."

Fight.  So many crazy things come at you in this life.  Fight it.  Be ready to take action for what you want.  For what you know is right.  For what you need.  Very few other people will do this for you, if anyone at all.  When you do find someone that will fight for you, or with you, make sure you keep them around.  Allies are handy.  :)