This one is a toughie to write. It's hard to admit when we've screwed up, isn't it? It's not so much the screw up, but it's the admission more I think. Admit to yourself, admit to others. I'm not sure everyone feels this way, but I know I have this feeling that I've disappointed people that maybe believed in me. And it's more likely that it's all in my head than actual reality. Blah. Hate this.
It started a few days ago I think. I don't know how it started though. I just knew I was frustrated. And I've been mean and passive aggressive, and people know it. But that all changed when we went to probably the best concert I've ever been to. The Decemberists at the Palladium in Hollywood was amazing! AH. MAZE. ING. Kinda have no words.
Happened again today though. I messed up, and said something I shouldn't have. I pried. I just wasn't thinking. And now... the passive agressiveness has begun again. I feel like I'm a teenager again, and super immature. Why am I acting like this?
And then, I did something stupid. I bought a present, out of spite I think. And the thing is, this person's going to love it. I hope it's worth it. In this process I came to the realization that I am a bit screwed up. I think that if I do something wrong, I try to buy back that person's love, or buy back good graces maybe in this case. It's silly. I know. But I can't think of any other reason. I was right in the middle of getting scolded when I decided it was going to happen. Seriously? Who does that?
Nothing is better. Yet at least. I don't know if it's just retaliation or if I'm reading more into it than I should be, but I'm just so frustrated. I don't want to be, but I am.
In other hilarious news, I wore my shirt inside out the entire day. Had no idea. Perfect.
No comments:
Post a Comment